The Power of Showing Up: Lessons from Chicken Spaghetti
Be the Chicken Spaghetti Friend
When my stepfather passed away from cancer, the outpouring of love we received was overwhelming. People wanted to show they cared, and in their effort to help, they brought food, so much food. In fact, we had enough chicken spaghetti to feed an army. At the time, it was almost comical. But looking back, I realize that behind every casserole dish was love, care, and a message we desperately needed: You are not alone in this.
I felt that same love again when my children arrived earlier than expected. Life suddenly became a blur of hospital visits, sleepless nights, and worry. And once again, people showed up, with meals, with check-ins, with encouragement. Their presence reminded me that even in moments of fear and exhaustion, I wasn’t carrying it all by myself.
Those two seasons of my life couldn’t have been more different, grief on one side, new life on the other. But in both, what carried me through was the same thing: the friends who showed up. That’s why, when I think about what it means to truly be there for someone, I think of the “chicken spaghetti friend.”
Who is the Chicken Spaghetti Friend?
The chicken spaghetti friend is the one who shows up, again and again.
They bring dinner when cooking feels impossible.
They drop off a bottle of wine or a coffee because they know it will make you smile.
They text or call to check in, and more importantly, they remember to follow up.
They notice the big things, like birthdays, anniversaries, and hard dates but also the small things, like the doctor’s appointment you were dreading or your child’s first day of school.
They’re willing to sit with you in the hard stuff, whether that’s cancer, depression, job loss, the stress of motherhood, or just the weight of life.
The chicken spaghetti friend doesn’t have all the answers, and they don’t need to. What they offer is presence, consistency, and love in action.
Why We Need Them
In my work as a therapist, I often meet people who don’t have a chicken spaghetti friend. They walk through some of the hardest seasons of their lives…diagnosis, grief, isolation without someone showing up at their door or remembering to check in. And that absence can feel as heavy as the situation itself.
When life falls apart, we don’t need someone to fix it. We need someone to notice. To see us. To remind us we matter, even when we feel broken. That’s what the chicken spaghetti friend does.
How to Be a Chicken Spaghetti Friend
The good news? You don’t have to make an actual casserole (though you certainly can!). Being this kind of friend is less about food and more about intention.
Here are a few simple ways to show up:
Bring the meal or the coffee, or the flowers. Nourishment comes in many forms.
Mark the dates. Put important anniversaries, surgeries, or milestones on your calendar so you don’t forget.
Follow up. Support isn’t just for the first week, it’s for the long haul.
Offer specific help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try, “I have an hour Thursday want me to come over and fold laundry with you?”
Sit in the hard. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is simply be present without trying to fix or change the situation.
Closing Thought
We all need a chicken spaghetti friend at our table the person who shows up, remembers, and sticks with us through the hard. And sometimes, we’re called to be that person for someone else.
This blog is inspired by my amazing clients, who have faced diagnosis, grief, and isolation alone… cancer ghosted… grieving friendships… family expectations… and the process of re-evaluating who is truly sitting at their table.
So, the next time someone you love is hurting, ask yourself: How can I be their chicken spaghetti friend? Because in the end, it’s not really about the food. It’s about the love and presence that says, I see you. You’re not alone.
