Cancer Ghosting: When People Disappear
When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, we often expect their support system to rally around them. Sadly, that’s not always the case. A growing number of my clients are experiencing something called cancer ghosting—and if you’re navigating a diagnosis or survivorship and have felt abandoned by friends, family, or colleagues, you’re not alone.
What Is Cancer Ghosting?
Cancer ghosting refers to the sudden disappearance or withdrawal of people in your life after you’ve shared your diagnosis. This can take many forms:
A friend who stops texting or returning your calls
A coworker who avoids you at the office or on Zoom
A family member who suddenly goes silent or distant
Social circles who stop including you in plans
It can happen days, weeks, or even months after a diagnosis and it can leave you feeling confused, hurt, or even ashamed.
Why Do People Ghost?
Cancer ghosting says far more about the person disappearing than it does about you. While it doesn’t excuse the behavior, understanding the “why” can help soften the sting:
Discomfort with illness – Many people feel anxious or helpless around serious illness and don’t know what to say or do.
Fear of saying the wrong thing – They worry they’ll mess up and offend you or make things worse, so they say nothing at all.
Avoidance of mortality – Your diagnosis may force them to confront fears about their own health, aging, or past losses.
Emotional immaturity – Some relationships may not have the emotional depth to withstand difficult seasons.
Projection – People may project their own past traumas or grief onto your situation and shut down to protect themselves.
Again, none of this makes ghosting okay. But understanding these dynamics can help you depersonalize the experience.
The Emotional Impact of Being Ghosted
Being ghosted during cancer is more than just disappointing, it’s painful. Many clients share feelings of:
Betrayal (“I thought we were close…”)
Isolation (“No one wants to deal with me anymore”)
Grief (“I’m mourning people I thought would be here for me”)
Self-blame (“Did I talk to much about it?”)
These feelings are valid. Cancer already comes with uncertainty, fear, and loss. When people disappear just when you need them most, it adds another layer of emotional trauma.
How to Navigate Cancer Ghosting
Here are a few ways to take care of yourself if you’re experiencing this:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or let down. Grieve the relationship you thought you had. These feelings deserve space.
2. Don’t Internalize It
Remember: ghosting is a reflection of their limitations, not your worth. You didn’t do anything wrong by getting sick or asking for support.
3. Refocus on Your Inner Circle
While some may disappear, others will step up in surprising ways. Pay attention to who shows up. Even one or two steady, caring people can make a huge difference.
4. Communicate Boundaries
If someone resurfaces and you’re unsure how to respond, you have options. You can gently let them know how their absence affected you—or you can decide not to reengage. Your energy is precious.
5. Connect with Others Who Get It
Whether through cancer support groups, online communities, or therapy, talking with others who’ve been there can validate your experience and offer healing perspective. Cancer Support Community has great support group options.
6. Seek Professional Support
Cancer ghosting can stir up old wounds, fears of abandonment, and trust issues. A therapist who understands cancer can help you process these emotions safely and constructively.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been ghosted during your cancer journey, please know this: You are not too much. You are not a burden. You are worthy of love and support.
Healing from ghosting takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone. There is community, care, and comfort available to you—sometimes from places you least expect.
If you need support, I’m here. Whether through therapy, support groups, or just a validating space to talk, you deserve to be surrounded by people who stay.
